Springer Mountain - Unicoi Gap (Days 1-9)

Day 1; Springer to Three Forks

We finished day one early rolling into camp at about 2:15. Sharon is out with us for night one and was a little concerned with getting back to the car tomorrow in time to drive home. We mostly came down today which means she'll be going mostly up tomorrow. We completed somewhere around 4.5 miles today, making it from Springer to a little past Three Forks.  We're currently resting in the tent because it's frigid. Yeah, snow makes for gorgeous hiking, but it's stinkin' COLD! Over all a good first day out. Dinner in a few and then sleep early while we all try to stay warm tonight!

Springer Mountain and the start of the trail.  You can see a white, rectangular blaze next to Erik's right foot on the left of the photo!! Only 2,180 miles to go!!

Sharon being a trooper and attempting a fire on our first wake-up.  It Was COLD!

Day 2; Three Forks to Cooper Gap

We had intended to try to make it to Gooch Mountain Shelter, but my feet were hurting and I just had nothing left. I was relieved to know Erik was ready to call it quits, too. I feel like I'm slowing him down, but he assures me he doesn't mind. He's been so patient and kind in this endeavor. I hike at a snail's pace and he's more the The Roadrunner. But he waits at junctions and at the top of hills for me before moving on. Today has been simply frigid. I'm not sure what the temp is, but the wind is blowing and it's so blustery! Couple that with the hardest climb I've encountered yet (in life--not in our 2 days on the trail), and you get one somewhat discouraged Sari. I'm very ready for warmer temps and some hiking legs to allow us the fun friendships we seek out here. We met some very nice people today, but not making it to shelters limits the relationships we can build currently. I have to remind myself that it's not a race, and that the people aren't going anywhere. We're currently committing a major no no and are about to eat dinner in the tent because it's so stinkin cold.  Uncle Steve, we officially think you're nuts for winter hiking. After this endeavor, I'm a fairweather hiker/camper.

Erik cooking in the vestibule.  Our feet were double-socked and inside liners and sleeping bags.

**Excuse the first two days' short posts. We apparently are the only two hikers who stayed out while everyone else got into town out of the winter weather. Now that my fingers have thawed a bit, we hope to give more details.

Day 3; Cooper Gap to Gooch Gap

Oh wow, what a difference a day makes! Early in our day today we met Indiana Stones (trail name-this is a nick-name bestowed upon a hiker. There's always a story, though I didn't ask what hers is). She was essentially running up the mountain and ran out of steam. Huffing and puffing she said she needed to slow down, to which I replied that I'm going super slow and yesterday was rough. They say the trail gives what you need when you need it...Stones was SO needed. She told us she thru hiked last year and did 2 miles on her second day, and suggested that we do what we do and not pay attention to others. She said it took her 8 days to get to Neel Gap. I was so overwhelmed and asked her for a hug. The trail gave me exactly what I needed in that moment. The rest of the day was glorious with warming temps and beatiful sunshine. We crossed Justus Creek and stopped for water. It was so beautiful and we took our time filling water and enjoying the sun and the view. We continued on with little ups and downs for the rest of the day, and arrived in camp early by around 2. As soon as we got the tent up and were inside setting up beds, we heard our "neighbors" arrive. We wound up with a full campsite including a faster daughter pair, Taylor and Kurt (love these two!), and a group of three who are new to each other, Mike, Anchor, and The Roaming Gnome. Our first night with fellow hikers had been so nice. We built a fire and all talked while we prepared and ate dinner. Here's to a GREAT day 3 following a really discouraging day 2. Erik remains more patient and kind than ever! We plan to make it to Neel by Saturday.

Left to Right:  Anchor, Taylor, Kurt, Erik, Sari

Day 4; Gooch Gap to Lance Creek  Campsite

Today was a pretty great day. We started with morning trail magic from Lion Heart (breakfast items including fruit and sweets), and managed to make it over a couple of mountains with some pretty significant climbs and land in camp by about 3:30PM. Just about 7 miles in about 6 hours is cruising pace for our little trail family. I'm feeling pretty great with our miles thus far,  and am loving that we found a hiking group that moves at about my pace. There was a downhill section though, that was a slip and slide made of mud from the last of the snow melt, and was a challenge to navigate safely, and Erik has mildly injured a knee. He felt a little pain two days ago and took some pain killers, and it hasn't really gotten worse...until today. He was limping significantly and had us all a little worried, but especially me as I've not ever seen him act this way in response to pain. We got into camp and he checked it out. It was pretty darn swollen. He iced it and took it easy for the evening and says he's feeling much better. We'll decide tomorrow if we'll head out with the group or zero here and rest him a bit more. Blood Mountain is on the itinerary and we won't be able to stop until we're down the other side due to bear activity. Blood is also a big climb up, which means an equally big descent. For now, we're camped with with most of the group we stayed with last night. There are "four" tent pads and tons of people in the area. Our single tent pad alone has 4 tents and 6 people alone. It was cool to be among so many of us. The night was the warmest yet, and most of us got the best night's sleep yet as a result.

Day 5; Lance Creek to Neel's Gap

Well, we made it over Blood Mountain. I think we really psyched ourselves out about the climb, and while it was really, really hard, we all agreed it wasn't as bad as we'd expected (or as bad as Sassafras),and we made good time. The view from the top was beatiful abd we enjoyed a few minutes there before we had to move again. We were all drenched with sweat from the climb and it got cold quick. I found it very interesting that the shelter at the top seemed to be very interesting to day hikers,with a patent lifting a child to see through the window--there's a doorway around the other side. The funniest part is that no one is sleeping there now as The ATC has warned of extensive bear activity and suggested not sleeping there. We didn't tell the day hikers this. The down was pretty rough with stone stairs much of the way, a lot of mud which is very exhausting to walk in, and at the end of our day with already tired feet and bodies. Erik's knee is still hurting some, so he maintained a slower than usual (for him) pace today.  We made it to Mountain Crossing which is an outfitter directly on the trail and immediately outside of the Blood Mountain Wildness. We were excited to figure out what we'd get for dinner and rightly assumed that all the bunks in the bunk house would be taken. Taylor, Kurt, Erik, and I had been talking about pizza all day, and by the time we arrived to the freezer, the was only one left. Erik was hurting, we were all tired, and cooking really wasn't in the plan. He was going to pick some other microwaveable items to eat so we could share the pizza wed all been dreaming of all day. And then....TRAIL MAGIC!!!!!!! All we've read about trail magic doesn't do it a bit of justice. This lovely Church group came out with all the fixings. Burgers, hotdogs, baked beans, slaw, desserts galore, drinks. It was so amazing! Everyone was so very friendly asking us where we're from, why we're hiking, etc. Some were very impressed that Erik and I are hiking together, being that were a married couple. They were all excited for us and wished us well, Karen and John even let me borrow their cell phone to make contact with my parents (mom, check your voice mail). They also offered to pick us up and let us do laundry if we make it into Hiawassee. Our first trail magic experience in the book as completely amazing. These days have been hard, long, and full of learning, but they've also been full of self discovery and fun, too. We're enjoying ourselves for now and have planned a short day tomorrow with a bit of rest.

Crazy fog at the start this morning!

Taylor and Sari on Blood Mountain

Left front to Right; Erik, Kurt, Taylor, Shaggy, Anchor

 

Go Eagles--GA Southern represented at Neel's Gap!!  This is the trash receptacle at Mountain Crossing Outfitters!

Day 6; a spot between Wolf Laurel Top and Cow Rock Mountain

We got a late start today getting out of Neel's Gap and Mountain Crossing Outfitter. After the lovely trail magic which filled our bellies well, we retired to tents only to be kept awake all night by what can only be described as a mountain wind storm. We had to deplore all the stakes on our tent for the first time ever, and place rocks over each to be sure they stayed rooted in the wet soil. We'd planed a short day today to rest ourselves a bit, and I had no provoked getting up and out a little later than usual. I got my bag "shaken down" by the wonderful staff at Mountain Crossing. This usually means they pull stuff out and tell you to throw it out or send it home, but I already knew a lot of what needed to go home, so I had pulled it out. I got my pack weight down to 29lbs, including food and 2 liters of water! I was so impressed with myself!  And really, it only weighs that much because of Joe much food we're carrying. Once we get through our monstrously over packed  food bags, I'll be even lower and we'll look at splitting some items up between us. And all this from an embarrassingly almost 50lb pack to start.

Anyhow, we planned to make a stop one mile in today at Bull Gap to filter water, and to evaluate how long we'd walk. Erik's knee is still bothering him, and my right foot is hurting a lot, also. I bought inserts for my boots hoping it would fix the issue. I think they'll helpin the long run, though today was rough. My belly was hurting, too. Not sure from what but a sore tiny while hiking is not fun. So we walked, and walked, and walked some more until I took my pack off and took a break to let my stomach settle, and Erik walls back to me and tells me tat he and some guys have decided that we've all missed Bull Gap. Apparently it was pretty poorly marked. So instead of our intended three mile day, we put in six. Tomorrow we're assuming for fewer as we with toward our zero in town in a couple of days. Camp tonight was a lot of fun with a familiar face and sone new ones.  Patrick has been dubbed "Roller Rinkin'" after staying with a friend who wanted to take him line dancing--on roller skates. He couldn't get over it and is now so named. I missed hanging out with Taylor, but it was nice to meet some new faces. It's "hiker midnight" (9PM), and time for sleep. I can't wait to be in touch on Wednesday!

Day 7; a spot between Wolf Laurel Top and Cow Rock Mountain to Hogpen Gap
We got our short day today. Yesterday was going to be a short day, and it was in the grand scheme. But a planned three mile day turned into 5. So today, we were set on walking the two miles to where we are and resting our sore spots for the afternoon. I'm currently in the tent doing just that, and it's a a relaxing afternoon with very nice weather. We walked over Cowrock Mountain earlier which had a nice spot at the top with some grass and rocks to sit on, and a pretty view. It was a pretty quick up and down, abd Lion Heart was waiting at the bottom with some trail magic! Fruit and goodies, soda and water. We each took a piece of fruit and a treat for later, and I downed a bottle of water. Lion Heart is a super nice retired man who loves the woods and her people and really enjoys coming out to support the AT community. He's been out every day for 5 weeks doing this, missing only one day. It's been a pretty uneventful, quiet day and may stay quiet, though we're kind of hoping for some camping buddies tonight. We'll see how it goes. Is been nice, though. I think we both needed the rest.

Day 8; Hogpen Gap to Low Gap Shelter
Our first night in a shelter!  If I'm being honest, I'm not looking forward to any mice or other critters who come to visit, but the fact that we're currently hanging out in the shelter with the Wolf Pack (we finally met them, and they're super nice!) during a thunder storm makes it worth it. So in the morning, we can wake, pack, eat, and go. And the kicker....NO WET TENT! The group is friendly and fun, and is made up of Raisin (a 21 year old education major on a gap year), Igloo (a 26 year old free spirited vegan, Krazy Korean (a Roll Tide airport security manager), and Ned (a guy with a baby on the way collecting stories for him/her). We leap frogged with them all day today and could hear Korea's radio most of our walk today.

We came up a little short on water yesterday and didn't drink enough, meaning I woke up pretty swollen. We arrived at the shelter to filter water in the lovely stream and learned of the coming storm, so we decided to stay put. The afternoon has been lovely with time to visit and soak our feet a little. We met a couple of other people, including Mountain Man and his tiny little toy sized fluffy dog, "Critter," who his running along side him out here. It's been a good day, all in all. A long day tomorrow for Erik's birthday in town and a Zero (no miles day)!!

Shelter life with an incoming storm.  Uncle Ned and Korea made rain barriers!

Erik and Raisin--She gave me a Trail Karma medallion for sharing our water with The Wolf Pack.  I'll pass it along to another thru-hiker for a kind deed!  #TK043

Day 9; Hogpen Gap to Unicoi Gap/into Hiawassee, GA

Oh. My. Gosh!  We thought we'd lost all the posts we'd written when we had to take my phone back to factory settings.  Of course it's the only phone we brought, but we figured it out, and we're back on-line--AND we lost NOTHING!! 

Ok, so back to the hike.  We walked our longest day yet today, 9.6 miles from Low Gap Shelter to Unicoi Gap, then we called a ride into Hiawassee where we plan to stay in a hotel for a couple of nights.  We're taking our first zero day and have enjoyed our first showers in over a week.  We were GROSS!  Erik is upstairs right now washing our laundry which thoroughly stinks.  We had Mexican for dinner to celebrate Erik's birthday and no less than 2 trail families ("tramilies") /groups sung him happy birthday today!  The fact that it was our longest day yet has us hurting a little.  Erik's feet are fine, and his knee is on the mend.  Still a little swelling there, but the pain is nearly gone.  My feet, though, are aching pretty well.  Otherwise, our bodies feel pretty good.  The weather has warmed up a little bit with days all the way into the 60s, which makes hiking a bit more enjoyable.  There was a pretty nasty storm last night, during which we spent our first night sleeping in a shelter.  Fortunately, the weather kept the mice away.  We likely won't spend many nights in the shelters themselves, opting instead to sleep in our tent near the shelter.  We're not too keen on mice crawling over our faces while we sleep.  We really enjoyed the time with the Wolf Pack and find them to be a super friendly, diverse "tramily," and we hope to run into them again soon.

Our own little tramily began early and included Taylor and Kurt, and we'd hoped to see them today when we arrived in town.  They made it in yesterday and we missed them.  I miss the friendship and hope to bump into them again soon! 

No Spot updates today or tomorrow as we'll be safe in a hotel showering and resting feet.  But we'll be back out there on the 24th and will update the blog sometime in a week +/-.  Until then, thank you so much for the support and excitement!  Keep it coming.  You guys really have no idea how much it helps us every single day!  We walk the trail wondering what you all would think and what kind of stories we'll share when we finish and return home to you all. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERIK!  On our way to town!!

2 More Wake Ups!

It's nearly time to go, and we just can't believe it!  We did our grocery shopping today and bought WAY too much food!  It's very common to over pack food the first days/weeks out, and many hikers learn quickly that they need far less than they pack.  Often other gear is also over packed, and items are sent home in the first couple of weeks.  For this reason, we have likely intentionally over prepared.  We have a very real concern, though, with regards to Erik's metabolism and how to support it.  Getting him enough calorie each day is going to take some practice, which is why we've packed So Much food for our first days.  The upside to this is that he is his own furnace and usually stays pretty warm. 

It has become very cold in the last day or so, and snow is expected in our first day to two.  Add that to the fact that I am usually referred to as a "Sari-sicle" with a "broken thermostat," which has led us to do the same with clothing; prepare for very cold knowing we can send items home if we find we don't need them.  Hypothermia is a real concern in these early days of our journey.

We've opted to push our departure back by one additional day which has helped my nerves So very much!  We have this one additional business day to make sure we have all our lose ends tied up. My nerves are still quite high, but this tiny change in itinerary has allowed me to be truly excited in addition to very nervous and anxious!  Our coworkers sent each of us off well with kind words, gifts, and cards full of encouragement and excitement.  We couldn't be more lucky to have found workplaces which are so supportive of our dreams, even though this one is a bit off the wall.

Additionally, we're so excited to share these days with friends and family who are both very excited with us, and some of whom have hiked themselves in the past.  Brian, Alana, Su, Lindsey, Sharon, Courtney, Rick, All the Bloggers we've followed, and random others we've met over the last years, thank you for your guidance, your positive thoughts, and your encouragement of our goal.  Knowing you've hiked your hikes helps us know we can hike ours!

Surreal and Overwhelming...The Mountains are Calling

A long overdue update:

We're a week out, and we can't even believe it!  I had always envisioned the weeks leading up to this adventure being full of excitement and giddy nerves.  In reality, however, that is the farthest from what I've experienced.  I am a very talented "avoider," and have only proven as much in preparation for this endeavor.  It hasn't helped that our sweet and lovable fur-baby ("Stitch") became very sick a few weeks ago and we had to say goodbye quickly.  We were both upset, but I was a bit of a basket case.  All I had intended to do  was out the window and I found myself in a tail-spin of grief and stress, accomplishing nothing.  So...we're at T-minus 1 week with multiple items left on our to-do list.  We did, however, check off a couple of purchases this weekend, making the final list very doable. 

We have been truly blown away by the support we've received.  Genuine questions and interest, and loving support coming from directions we didn't even know existed.  Erik and I work in vastly different settings:  He in a small privately owned retail franchise, and I in a very large, not for profit healthcare system.  People he worked with in past years, and that he works with currently, are popping up with supportive words and requests to join us at various points on the journey.  People that I work with on a daily basis are excited for us and our next steps, many are inquisitive.  And some people who I talk to weekly but don't spend a lot of time with are just over the moon for our endeavor and all that it means to us.

We have widely different emotions on the subject.  We're both very excited; Erik would drop it all and leave tomorrow if it weren't for me and my notice at work.  I however, am a bit anxious for a number of reasons.  It has all become very real in the last few days as my replacement has finally been confirmed at work, we've begun planning my short return in order to tend to some important family needs (we could use any extra positivity/prayers you can muster thrown our way), and we purchased travel isurance today which is the largest single purchase to date, in preparation for this adventure.  Meaning...there's no turning back now!  I try to go into experiences without expectations, and I feel as though I've done a pretty great job of it this time.  If you don't think of what's coming ("avoider," remember?), you can't have expectations.  This counts as a plus when the feelings are a combination of overwhelmed and terrified, and completely taken aback with yourself for the absolutely ludicrous life decision you're making to go gallivant in the woods for months on end.

Despite the nerves and the many items left to accomplish, we are getting very excited and look forward to the time together outside, the people we'll meet, and most importantly, to accomplishing our goal!  We wish that our start was able to go exactly as planned, but with changes in dates and family health, we've had to make some changes to starting plans.  Despite the changes, however, we are super excited to be spending our first day to two with one of our favorite people!  She's taking us out and spending the first night or two with us and we couldn't be more excited to share the first steps of this journey with Sharon.

Stay tuned...more to come, including, gear lists & pack info & weight, final preparations, and our first days out!!

Adventure on Deck: Appalachian Trail c/o 2017

Well, it's officially official...we head out in March to thru-hike The Appalachian Trail.  As in 10ish weeks from now.  It's a little unreal that we've actually decided to make a go of it. 

 Our holiday card photo & announcement of our plans to hike

Let's go back a bit...somewhere about 4 & 1/2 years ago I was working night shift at a little community hospital.  My managers were realistic and reasonable, and allowed for reading and/or studying during the late night hours when we had few patients.  At some point or another, I'd had enough of studying and began reading a book written by Kevin Runolfson, an average guy looking for the next steps in his journey.  He completed a thru-hike in 2001 with his dog, Rufus, and later created a short book from his trail journal called The Things You Find on The Appalachian Trail.  The story is basically of his walk Northbound ("NOBO") on the Appalachian Trail ("AT").  Erik had previously mentioned wanting to hike, and my response had always been "yeah, maybe someday."  And then...I read Kevin's book.  I recall coming home after a shift and telling Erik that I wanted to hike.  I don't think he believed me right away as at the time, I had no time for dreams.  Eventually he did believe me, though, and our dream to hike was born.

Over the course the next weeks we talked about [among others] what hiking would mean, what it would look like, when it would fit, what we would take from it, and the all important Why?  It seems that Erik got a lot of support as he told friends over the years that we wanted to do this one day.  I, however, got a lot of "WHY"?!  As in, why on Earth would you want to go wander in the woods for months on end?  We discussed the whys often and came up with some good reasons.  Eventually, I came across another book; Appalachian Trials:  The Psychological and Emotional Guide to Successfully Thru-Hiking The Appalachian Trail by Zach Davis.  In this helpful guide to preparation for a thru-hike, Zach suggests writing two lists before starting:  

The first is a list of Why I want to hike the Appalachian Trail.  The goal here is to share with family, friends, and followers what our motivations are.  This allows for support and the ability to ground ourselves when (not if) we have a bad day.  We can go back to this list and remind ourselves why we set out to do this in the first place.

Sari's List--I'm hiking the Appalachian Trail because...

1. I'm excited to try this Epic Adventure! 
2. It's the biggest goal we've had yet--I want to prove to myself I can accomplish it 
3. If I can do this, I can do Anything! 
4. I want to see what the trail will teach me 
5. Life is short and we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, so we need to live for today--Go do what you are driven to do 
6. To come away in the best shape of my life 
7. I would love to inspire someone out there to follow their dream!
8. To seek the following in a meditative, contemplative fashion:  If I am not for myself, who is for me? When I am for myself, what am I? If not now, when? 
9. Most importantly--I can do this, and I will for all those who can't!

Sari's List--When I successfully thru-hike the Appalachian Trail, I will....

1. Be stronger than I ever imagined I could be
2. Have stories from one very epic adventure!
3. Be closer to myself
4. Have a deeper, stronger relationship with my husband
5. Overcome the fear of failure 
6. See the world as a new me, as a Thru-Hiker with less judgement and more acceptance

Erik's List--I'm hiking the Appalachian Trail because...

In progress

Erik's List--When I successfully thru-hike the Appalachian Trail, I will....

In Progress

Additionally, we firmly believe that working to save money (while very important for a multitude of reasons) is not a lifestyle.  I've had a lot of people respond to  my  news that I'm leaving my position at work to go hiking for 6 months with something like, "Oh my gosh, so you're just going to leave?  What about the house, the dog, the bills, the responsibilities of life....That's amazing, good for you!"  I'm so grateful for the support I've received.  Most everyone has been excited for us, some have had really great questions which I'm really happy and excited to discuss, but I disagree with this notion that we're doing something that no one else can do.  You can do it (whatever you're putting of and telling yourself you can't), most of us just choose to not.  More importantly, we owe it to ourselves to chase our dreams and conquer our goals!

Notes on our plans/answers to frequently asked questions:

• We will take phones, though will only have service in towns and will upload blog posts while in towns
• We will NOT take a weapon--most hikers don't for a few reasons.  First, the community is almost entirely friendly and safe making them unnecessary.  Second, weapons are heavy, and every ounce counts.  Third, we don't have weapons, weapons training, or permits.  Fourth, this is a lesson in going with The Trail--She is unpredictable in every way, and we are at her mercy.  We will learn what she teaches us, and weapons are not part of the curriculum.
• We will do our business in the woods utilizing Leave No Trace Principles
• The Appalachian Trail is approximately 2,180 miles long beginning in North Georgia and ending in central Maine, and takes an average of 6 months to complete
• We'll be in towns once a week give or take, and will resupply in grocery stores and other shops as needed.  We'll carry about a week's worth of food at a time, and filter water from streams daily
• We will occasionally stay in a hostel or hotel (BED! & SHOWER!), and eat in town, but mostly we'll cook our food on a small camp stove and sleep in a tent

Find fantastic information on the Appalachian Trail Conservancy's webpage 

  

We will continue to update over the next weeks as we prepare for departure, and also while on the trail (probably weekly updates or so).  Thanks so much for supporting us in this journey--we love and appreciate you more than you know, and we can't wait to share the experience with you!

Elevated Dog Cot

     Inevitably while car camping it rains and the dog gets wet and muddy.  So while looking for and option to get him off the ground we tried one of those folding camp chairs, but he is too big.  They are a great option for smaller dogs though.  Those old folding lounge chairs are a good size for the dog, but they take up too much space in camp.  There are cheaper off the shelf options of elevated dog cots but they require tools to assemble and have small bolts that could get lost.  We wanted a tool free, collapsible option, and those off the shelf are very spendy.  So I decided to make one, that way it could be the size we needed and I would be sure it worked like we wanted.
     Off to the home improvement store to get some supplies.

12' of 1" schedule 40 PVC and 4 corners

     The fabric to make the actual cot out of can be expensive, but I found this super classy, fairly heavy duty stuff at the thrift store for under $8.  I wound up getting over 25' of it, which is more than enough for close to 8 dog cots this size, but at the thrift store you never know what you will get.

I placed the whole thing upside down to mark where to I needed to cut the fabric

     I marked there to cut he corners out so the fabric can fold over the rails, I also marked the center so i didn't make the holes for the PVC too small.  I pulled out the sewing machine portable benchtop thread injector and laid down some lines.  Nothing fancy just tight straight stitches, I didn't even hem the edges.

It is a little rough, but it is for the dog. Anything beats the ground right.

    The whole thing took less than an hour to make and only cost about $15.  We got exactly what we wanted in a elevated dog cot.  I plan to use some of the abundance of fabric I have to make a carry bag for it.   I'll let the picture speak for the results.

Stitch tested, Stitch approved

REI Flash 30 Frame Mod

     My REI Flash 30 pack needed a little loving, so I put it under the knife.  The frame sheet(~3/16" foam) had been shoved, smashed, rolled, and folded too many times.  It looked flat, but once you put anything in the pack it would start to fold, buckle, and become very uncomfortable.  I love the pack and it is in great condition, having only spent $2 on it at a local Goodwill store I figured if this mod didn't work like I hoped it was no great loss and I would probably continue to use it frameless.

       

 

 I had seen on some blog or another someone used carbon arrow shafts to augment their pack frame and I happened to find some arrow shafts at a thrift store for $3 for 6.  After removing the frame sheet, I used the arrow as a spacer and a straight edge to mark the edge to be removed.  A box cutter made quick work of the frame sheet and a hacksaw  for the arrows.  A little bit of Tyvek tape I had lying around from another project and viola...Supportive frame sheet. 

     

 The pack weighed 673g before the operation and only gained 23g in weight, but gained loads of support.

     

     

The days are getting longer and warmer so get outside and have some fun!

Despair and Light

The last months have been a roller coaster to say the least.  A quick overview from November 2014 to Today:

I lost my job when the hospital I worked for (3 years) closed its doors, We celebrated 5 years of marriage and another birthday for each of us, I landed a job with a huge hospital system in Atlanta, winter holidays came and went, another semester gone and a fresh one started, my sister had skin cancer, my dad celebrated clearance of thyroid cancer cells, both parents of a friend were murdered ruthlessly and heinously, my cousin lost her battle with an infection, my beloved Tata, my great uncle, lost his life (all 4 losses occurred in one week), I left my long time part-time job at a local church nursery and began a new part time job with Hillels of Georgia at KSU, we hosted three lovely ladies from Australia and helped them begin their journey on the AT, and that brings me to today, almost five months after the beginning of all of that.  I'm exhausted, and overwhelmed, and I just want a break.

Break it Down:

Emory Adventist Hospital.  A strange choice of vocation for a Jewish girl, I realize.  Despite the obvious contradiction, though, and the ever present cons in a work place, it was a delightful home during my three years there.  The people with whom I worked were (are) some of the kindest, friendliest souls I'll ever work with.  The joke was that I walked in family.  Immediately, I was loud when needed, sassy, honest, friendly... (all necessary at times in an ER environment).  We were, in fact, a little family.  The same crew every weekend.  I knew everyone.  I liked everyone.  It was comfortable and familiar.

And then, the tables were literally turned upside down when it was announced that our little family would be separated.  Severed is probably a more accurate term.  We would close our doors, and we all began searching for work wherever we could.  I landed a job with my top choice employer, and found myself relieved and grateful to have the job, but not at all excited about it.  I told Erik how I felt, my fears at continuing to work nights, my worries about time and emotions, our relationship; all of the things that we were continuing to put on hold by my continuing with a schedule such as the one I was endeavoring to take.  He said he understood and promised to be patient and loving during the transition into my "new life" and after it when I was an emotional, sleep deprived wreck.  And he mostly has been.  Mostly.  The schedule has changed a few times into something that in terms of working hours, is decent, though in terms of fitting in all I have to fit it, is impossible.  I am starting to make friends 4 months later, but find that such a HUGE work environment is not very conducive to relationships like those I begrudgingly left behind.  I am sad much of the time, trying not to wish my days away, though often I can't help doing so.  I just long for the day that I graduate and can look forward to something different.  A drastic change.  Going into this one, I told myself and those close to me that "I can do anything for a couple of years.  I just have to make it through."  And that's true, unless you really aren't happy with what you're doing.

Death and sadness:

As I tried to put the pieces back together and figure out what works and what doesn't, and how to accomplish life's goals while one is too busy accomplishing life's goals, I was hit with a blow that I "never thought would happen to me."  My mom posted a photo of a couple whom I'd never met, but who are the parents of a friend (a former co-worker, actually).  They were "missing," and the photo was circling facebook in hopes of information on their whereabouts.  I remember thinking to myself, "They're fine.  Their car will be found in a ditch this afternoon overturned and stuck.  They won't be able to get to help, but they'll be fine."  Two days later, I received a text message while coming out of class.  It was from my former charge nurse, one of the family that I begrudgingly left.  It simply said "they found b's parents body."  I was shocked.  No!  This can't be!  She has kids, and siblings with kids.  They'll never know their grandparents.  They won't remember them -- were all my thoughts.  I cried for days for two people I've never met.  I cried for their family, their friends, their church, their lives.  Lost.  No, not lost, taken.  Their lives were taken from them.  The breath removed from their lungs.  For the first time, I was able to comprehend how terrible murder is.  A man decided that he got to choose when this couple stopped breathing.  I was devastated.

As the week wore on, I went about my tasks while thinking ever day of the sweet girl I know and trying to imagine what she must be thinking.  The eternity of two days later, I learned that my cousin was hospitalized due to an infection.  She was terribly ill, and it didn't look good.  Her mom (my dad's cousin) is very close to my family, and had a relationship with her daughter like no other.  I was terrified for her.  I immediately text messaged her and we began sharing a few words multiple times a day for the weeks to follow.  By the end of the week, there was no improvement in her condition, and I called my dad from work to give him my number there in case anyone needed to reach me.  He called me back less than thirty minutes later unable to say the words that were unnecessary.  Again, I cried in disbelief, for the unfairness of the world and for the sadness and despair that I knew my "aunt" would be feeling.  The breathlessness I knew was there.

The following Monday morning, I woke to Erik's gentle yet urgent shaking.  He told me to wake up, he needed to talk to me.  I did, alarmed because he's never awakened me this way.  He scooted me over in bed and cradled me as he told me my dad had just called and Mickey was gone.  He'd died the night before at home, his daughter performing CPR while his beloved wife watched terrified.  I cried a little, but mostly just stared at the ceiling in disbelief.  We'd spoken in December briefly when he'd told me he had a tumor and would have more information after seeing the doctors in the coming weeks.  I told him I was thinking of him and that I loved him and would talk to him soon.  Erik left for work, I took a shower in utter shock, feeling empty and disappointed.  I called my cousin and she told me some other details which wrenched my heart and seemed to tear it out through my throat.  When we hung up, I was sobbing, unable to breathe or impart any intelligible thoughts.  I called Erik who was at a loss for any comforting words, and then my dad who cried with me.  I went to school in an attempt to attend the same class that I'd finished when I learned one week previously that two humans had been murdered.  I made it as far as a short discussion with my sister, and then the computer lab to print some items which I'd forgotten at home before I felt like I couldn't get out of the building fast enough.  I went to talk to my instructors who were understanding, though I'm not sure they really understood, but they excused me from class.  My boss having approved a tardy start to my shift, I cried all the way home, and finally settling enough to rest, I took a nap.  I was full of sadness and regret at the things I never said, and the questions I never asked.  I was amazed at the sense of loss I felt for a man I saw rarely and spoke to even less often.  He was a man who was gentle, kind, more generous than anyone I'll ever meet again in my life, adoring of his family, and a fighter that only a Holocaust survivor can be.  I can still hear him say my name with his thick accent and distinctive voice, and I can feel his hug and stubbly kiss like only he could give. 

A Positive Among the Chaos:

Among the sadness and chaos of life in general with two jobs and school, a new position was thrown into my lap.  I was granted an opportunity to work with Hillel at Kennesaw State University.  I felt like it was possible that Mickey, "Tata," would have known that this was something that would be important to me.  It was surely a boost that I thought I needed.  Something new AND positive.

As it turns out, it is a complicated mess, but an important and necessary role which I'm glad I was offered.

Hindsight:

Today is July 8, 2015.  I began this post in March and saved it because I was just too overwhelmed to finish it and proof read it before posting.  It was nearly deleted recently, but I decided to finish it and post because of another article I read a few weeks back.  It was written by a young lady who had contemplated suicide and shared her struggle with the blogging world in hopes of positively influencing even one person.  While I can't say that I was ever suicidal, I can say that I struggle with depression.  I, too, have always said that if sharing my story helped even one person, maybe it would mean the struggles were all worth it.  

After an initial diagnosis and extremely difficult years to follow which included constant changing of medications, days and sometimes weeks of tears, and slapping on a brave (read: "happy") face for most everyone I knew,  I chose to make some drastic changes which included moving home for the first time in four years and switching doctors.  After continued struggles, I finally found my balance and for years, I've had occasional down days, but I've managed my symptoms without medication and I've done well.  Until about September (a month after we were told we'd be out of a job).  The down days increased steadily, and by November, I was more down than up.  By the second week in February, I was tearful nearly every day.  I sought help on campus to try to avoid medication (a personal choice which isn't right for everyone).  I was unreasonably fearful of many things; car wrecks that didn't happen, family deaths that fortunately never came, even getting into my car; I just knew that someone was hiding under it waiting to hurt me.  I was told that this was normal under the circumstances.  That if it didn't subside or got worse, it would then become abnormal, but my counselor wasn't surprised or worried. 

Today, after months of transitions and loss, sadness and despair, I am finally starting to find my way back to "normal" (if there is such a thing).  I plan to continue to wake up when I wake up, play outside, clean the house, read a book, and spend evenings and days off with the love of my life for a short while until the overwhelming responsibilities begin again with a new semester in the fall.  And then, I will graduate.  I will conquer my biggest goal yet and I am more proud of myself for that than there are words!  I imagine myself in a cap and gown along side my sister who will graduate with me.  I imagine our excitement and pride in ourselves. And I imagine the celebration to follow. For the first time in years, I'm starting to look forward to all the things that might come after school. The travel, the new experiences, the income possibilities, and yes, maybe even a family. 
 

I continue to work on mindfulness, which ironically enough discourages looking too far into the future in exchange for living in the now. It takes much practice and thoughts are some of the hardest things to change. But with patience (something Erik sarcastically calls my "greatest virtue") and a positive attitude, I'm learning that anything is possible. After all, "...help is available to anyone who asks."