I've been home from my trip around the world for about a few weeks now. It's taken some getting used to, being back at home. Driving a car, talking to my family, hugging my husband every day and holding his hand, and the simple comforts of my own home are things that are new to me all over again. I can't say that I've completely processed my experiences yet, or that I will for a while yet. I can say, though, that I am starting to understand some of my feelings.
I was a little bit of a lot of things over the course of my three weeks in the country I've visited, thus far, that is least like home. I remember feeling admiring, amazed, annoyed, awed, disappointed, downright Pissed Off, excited, experienced, friendly, frustrated, grateful, happy, hopeful, hurt, intrigued, let down, lonely, loved,overwhelmed, reflective, rushed, sad, scared, thoughtful, traveled...
I can't say for even one minute that I regret going. I can't say that I wouldn't do it again from the beginning. I can say, with 100% certainty, that I will likely return one day.
I'm looking at my photos trying to explain to my family what I saw and experienced, and I'm realizing that I don't have photos that depict what I'm trying to describe. Everything we did was so very rushed. Even outings to religious spaces like temples and musjids were rushed. There were so many people everywhere. It was almost as if the places of worship were all commodities: The more people coming through, the more money to be made, or souls to be saved, or...whatever. Being a moderately spiritual person myself, and a person who prides myself in learning about other religions and cultures in order to be more self aware, and in a country where religion is so very ingrained in everyday life, I was disappointed multiple times on account of the seeming sacrilege.
This rushed feeling followed me everywhere during my journey. I never felt as though I had time to simply stand in one place and take it all in. I didn't get the opportunity to frame photographs or to contemplate questions. A prime example occurred while we visited Darhavi in Mumbai. We were given a tour of the slum by a young man who lives there. The difficulty is, we were submerged into a huge slum and expected to take in everything (smells, sights, sounds, etc) all at once; AND form valid questions in a matter of 8-10 minutes. Let me assure you that this is quite impossible.
I feel like I left India not learning enough about India. I went with what I felt were little to no expectations. I thought this would help me make the most of my trip and the experiences that I had. Despite this, I realize that I did have a few subconcious expectations. I think I hoped for a lot of culture. I hoped to come home with a knowledge and great respect for Indians and their culture. What I actually came home with was frustration and disappointment at my lack of cultural learning while away. I realized just today, however, that it might be possible that I did gain an understanding of one key cultural aspect. Maybe the rush and the (perceived?) impersonality that I had such a problem with was in fact a major part of India's culture. Maybe I was just so blown away by my frustration with it that I overlooked the fact that it was something I was supposed to embrace.
I had a discussion with one of my group mates while on a van to somewhere in India. He said that he had prayed about where he is supposed to go next, what he's supposed to do next. I suggested that he be sure that he opens his eyes in response to that prayer. I told him that very often after one prays for such things, they are so busy looking for whatever answer G-d means for them that they miss the very sign that is meant for them. Is it possible that this is exactly what happened to me despite my advice?
I continue to receive questions about my time there. "Did you love it?!" "What did you like the most?" "What was the hardest part?" My responses have been, "I don't know," or "I'm not sure," or a simple shrug of the shoulders. I almost feel embarrassed that I can't just say, "Oh, it was just amazing and I can't wait to go back!" This has been my response post Israel and Europe, why not India, too? I guess I feel guilty that this isn't my immediate response. Dr. Dembla made an observation at the end of our trip: She told me that I'm the most American American she's ever met. I'm still not entirely sure what that means, but I do know that she thinks I'm too "correct," and that I say "thank you" too often, and too genuinely (or something). I'm not entirely sure what these two things have to do with each other, but I feel like they do. I'm sure that they do.
I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I didn't love everything about my trip. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not going to love every country I visit. I also know that under different conditions, I might have enjoyed my trip more. Some of my major issues were these: We were too rushed, we went from utter chaos during week one to lock-down during weeks two and three--I struggle with chaos, and also with extreme mandates such as being locked into my room at night. We had a great amount of "culture" in our first week and a lot of time with Indian peers, and little to no culture in the subsequent weeks with little time with few Indian peers (and those we did have time with partied a bit hard for me). Additionally, there were a couple of issues with personality clashes. I'm a minimum of about 8 years older than any of my American classmates making my interests and goals in this trip very different from theirs.
I do recognize that we were there to study. So it stands to reason that class time would be a given. However! I do feel like a balance of class education and cultural education while abroad is important. I did bring home an understanding of the Indian personality trait of pushiness. They aren't pushy, per se. They are simply trying to accomplish what they want/need based on the means necessary in their home country. I brought home a couple of "twinkles" (though admittedly, I don't know what caused them, or what that term is meant to describe at this time). Maybe it is the hope or desire of what I might learn on my next journey?
And those are my thoughts for the time being....
I was a little bit of a lot of things over the course of my three weeks in the country I've visited, thus far, that is least like home. I remember feeling admiring, amazed, annoyed, awed, disappointed, downright Pissed Off, excited, experienced, friendly, frustrated, grateful, happy, hopeful, hurt, intrigued, let down, lonely, loved,overwhelmed, reflective, rushed, sad, scared, thoughtful, traveled...
I can't say for even one minute that I regret going. I can't say that I wouldn't do it again from the beginning. I can say, with 100% certainty, that I will likely return one day.
I'm looking at my photos trying to explain to my family what I saw and experienced, and I'm realizing that I don't have photos that depict what I'm trying to describe. Everything we did was so very rushed. Even outings to religious spaces like temples and musjids were rushed. There were so many people everywhere. It was almost as if the places of worship were all commodities: The more people coming through, the more money to be made, or souls to be saved, or...whatever. Being a moderately spiritual person myself, and a person who prides myself in learning about other religions and cultures in order to be more self aware, and in a country where religion is so very ingrained in everyday life, I was disappointed multiple times on account of the seeming sacrilege.
This rushed feeling followed me everywhere during my journey. I never felt as though I had time to simply stand in one place and take it all in. I didn't get the opportunity to frame photographs or to contemplate questions. A prime example occurred while we visited Darhavi in Mumbai. We were given a tour of the slum by a young man who lives there. The difficulty is, we were submerged into a huge slum and expected to take in everything (smells, sights, sounds, etc) all at once; AND form valid questions in a matter of 8-10 minutes. Let me assure you that this is quite impossible.
I feel like I left India not learning enough about India. I went with what I felt were little to no expectations. I thought this would help me make the most of my trip and the experiences that I had. Despite this, I realize that I did have a few subconcious expectations. I think I hoped for a lot of culture. I hoped to come home with a knowledge and great respect for Indians and their culture. What I actually came home with was frustration and disappointment at my lack of cultural learning while away. I realized just today, however, that it might be possible that I did gain an understanding of one key cultural aspect. Maybe the rush and the (perceived?) impersonality that I had such a problem with was in fact a major part of India's culture. Maybe I was just so blown away by my frustration with it that I overlooked the fact that it was something I was supposed to embrace.
I had a discussion with one of my group mates while on a van to somewhere in India. He said that he had prayed about where he is supposed to go next, what he's supposed to do next. I suggested that he be sure that he opens his eyes in response to that prayer. I told him that very often after one prays for such things, they are so busy looking for whatever answer G-d means for them that they miss the very sign that is meant for them. Is it possible that this is exactly what happened to me despite my advice?
I continue to receive questions about my time there. "Did you love it?!" "What did you like the most?" "What was the hardest part?" My responses have been, "I don't know," or "I'm not sure," or a simple shrug of the shoulders. I almost feel embarrassed that I can't just say, "Oh, it was just amazing and I can't wait to go back!" This has been my response post Israel and Europe, why not India, too? I guess I feel guilty that this isn't my immediate response. Dr. Dembla made an observation at the end of our trip: She told me that I'm the most American American she's ever met. I'm still not entirely sure what that means, but I do know that she thinks I'm too "correct," and that I say "thank you" too often, and too genuinely (or something). I'm not entirely sure what these two things have to do with each other, but I feel like they do. I'm sure that they do.
I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I didn't love everything about my trip. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not going to love every country I visit. I also know that under different conditions, I might have enjoyed my trip more. Some of my major issues were these: We were too rushed, we went from utter chaos during week one to lock-down during weeks two and three--I struggle with chaos, and also with extreme mandates such as being locked into my room at night. We had a great amount of "culture" in our first week and a lot of time with Indian peers, and little to no culture in the subsequent weeks with little time with few Indian peers (and those we did have time with partied a bit hard for me). Additionally, there were a couple of issues with personality clashes. I'm a minimum of about 8 years older than any of my American classmates making my interests and goals in this trip very different from theirs.
I do recognize that we were there to study. So it stands to reason that class time would be a given. However! I do feel like a balance of class education and cultural education while abroad is important. I did bring home an understanding of the Indian personality trait of pushiness. They aren't pushy, per se. They are simply trying to accomplish what they want/need based on the means necessary in their home country. I brought home a couple of "twinkles" (though admittedly, I don't know what caused them, or what that term is meant to describe at this time). Maybe it is the hope or desire of what I might learn on my next journey?
And those are my thoughts for the time being....
were you looking for this when you traveled to India?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cnn.com/interactive/2014/06/world/rishikesh/